i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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