If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize