Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
