"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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