nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
