I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
