Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
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