You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
