WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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