It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
