Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
