I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Randomize
