she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
