You just made me feel so damn special
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
