Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
