I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
