Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
