How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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