So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
