She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
