Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
