I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
