my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
