I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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