After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
