hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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