did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
