Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Randomize
