My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
i love accidental penises.
In America we eat man semen.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
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