Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
