Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
