well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
