I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
