listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
