i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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