I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
