Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
he had hair everywhere except his balls
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
