omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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