Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize
