Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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