I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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