dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I'm really busy with my period
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