I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize