I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
