My first STD was from a foam party
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
