I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
