genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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