Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
If I die, sorry about rent.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
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