Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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