I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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