i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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