we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
